Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
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We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
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All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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