I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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