i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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