Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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