Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
