I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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