I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
