Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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