I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You did what with his pubic hair?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
