chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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