How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
