Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
