god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The adults are the big ones right?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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