I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
zippers are such a cool invention
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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