He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
