bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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