so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
