its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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