Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
