Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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