You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
