Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
