im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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