he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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