i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
