why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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