If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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