got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
