I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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