Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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