if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
