Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
