When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
