It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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