haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
