the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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