Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
