the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
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You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
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You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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