every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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