I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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