My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
