While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
