Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
