I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
