Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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