He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
