My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
