She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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