apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
