it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
