Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
