Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
