i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
