He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
