elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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