I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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