Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
