How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
