After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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