we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
