is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
