So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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