Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
