They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
