I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize