At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
