My girlfriend figured out who you are.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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