im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
