I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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