Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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