Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i think i just lost a toe
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
