Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
