dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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